The Ugly Friend

​It was around 2015/2016, I’m not sure, but two of my then friends and I decided we’re going to have dinner and hang out for the night. Just have a nice girl’s night out. However, one of them decided to invite her “birds” and his friends for when we were going to chill somewhere else. I mean that’s okay and all. Skip to us at the famous hangout spot, 3 Amigos, where we were just chilling and listening to the music, I realized that two of my friends were cuddled or talking up to two of the guys and the last friend was just watching me with a distasteful look. I squinted my eyes as a lot of question marks ran through my head. At the end of the night I realized that I was “the ugly friend.” 
 
Now, this post/essay isn’t something for sympathy or whatever. I know I can be cute when I want to be. However, listening to some conversations this week, it made me realize how powerful “Pretty Privilege” is and how I’ve never truly lived that privilege. 
 
 
I always tell people that all my life I’ve been that official third wheel. Folks would laugh or ask, why would you put yourself in those situations? Well, a lot of the time it wasn’t voluntary. It’s always a “let’s hang out” and then that person’s man/fling or whatever would just show up and I’m in the corner like... okay cool. Or it would be situations where there were a group of us, chilling and guys would approach us, well them. Am I glad now that they never really spoke to me? Definitely because the Lord himself knows that they were trash, however at that time, my little self-esteem was hurt, especially since nobody was “trying to bodda with me.”  
 
With situations like that always happening, I just morphed into the role of the ugly friend that’s the official third wheel,  and is the convincing factor to allow their parents to say yes for them to go somewhere to meet up with these dudes and maybe their friends who would ignore my existence. Being in that position, allowed me to notice things that my other friends wouldn’t have really notice. I understand mannerisms and language most males use and can sort of tell if they are behind genuine or not. The lack of experience with pretty privilege, as in always getting a yes or never friend zoned or being “worshiped” (which sounds super weird typing it), has honestly somewhat dampen my confidence when it comes to “shooting my shot.” Everyone usually says the worse thing they could say is no and moved on, which is true, but it still reminds me my high school years when I was just seen as a “Yeah, da gal.”  
 
 
Now I know it sounds like a sap story, but I promise, it’s not a sap story or any story I’m asking for any forms of empathy, I just wanted to talk about it as I’m surrounded by people who never experienced that type of emotions. Now as I grow and “glow up”, I really don’t care about it that much. I’m just trying to unlearn all the misconceptions that were drilled in my head over the last 6 years or so and maybe find some confidence in shooting my shot. Who knows, it might take another 6 years. 

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