An Afro-Caribbean Girl in the Midwest

P.S. My hair is Purple Now :3

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“Girl you got yuh legs out, aren’t’ you cold?” 
“Hoes don’t get cold. I’m just kidding.” [inserts laughter] 
“Well I am freezing. I cyan handle this cold.” 
“Well Girl, you’re from Barbados-or one of the hottest places in the world, of course you are going to be freezing.” 
 
That conversation took place on a really cold day after math class, where I met a mutual of mine from Tanzania in front of the elevator. Internally, I had to laugh when she mentioned Barbados. It was way better than the generic Bahamas and the even more generic Jamaica response. I, an Afro-Caribbean Girl from Seh Mahten,  has been at Wichita State University for over two months and this is how it’s been so far. 
 
 
As someone who has been on social media since 2011 during my Mindless Behavior phase (that’s a story I’ll dig up another time), I knew what to expect while coming to this part of the country. I knew that people weren’t going to know where I’m from, expect some very white behavior and to expect more greenery than ever because Kansas is just farm land. With those notes, my first week wasn’t so bad. However, I needed a conservative welcome to a red state, right? 
 
On move in day, one of my roommates, and one of my only friends on campus right now, was moving in with the help of her grandparents. When she arrived, I was in my room, trying to get myself together. Now, we hailed each other up, as I made it an effort to get to know her through Instagram, so it was all cool, with her. . Her grandfather started to ask the basic questions, you know "Where you’re from? What’s your major?, why Wichita?", simple things. However, the tone of his voice had me slightly of edge. I knew something was strange when he continuously mispronounced Sint Maarten or said a completely different word, especially since I had on Sint Maarten tourism shirt, and her grandmother was all nods and smiles. Being the person who hate conflict, I just nodded my head until the left and mumbled to myself “well that was awkward.” Weeks later, my roommate and I were speaking about her grandparents and she was like “Yeah they are super conservative and it’s annoying as hell.” My eyes opened wide and I had to laugh, everything made sense. Day one on campus and I was a victim of polite racism, yay. 
 
This goes to my line that I constantly tell my friends, “It’s one thing to be black in this country, it’s another thing to be foreign and black.” After saying that statement or telling mutuals I'm in Wichita or telling locals that I'm from the Caribbean, I get asked the same series of questions. Why Wichita? Why Kansas? Why Wichita State University?.  Well there are a couple reasons. Firstly, I wanted to experience something new. I really love my home and I really love the Caribbean, but I wanted to get out and experience a fresh breath of air. A lot of people were like, why not Florida? I look to my left, then I look to my right and I laugh. One, I hate Florida as a place in general, two, how am I supposed to get fresh air when if I go to  my options I would see the entire population of Sint Maarten every two seconds. That was no for me. 
 
Secondly, it was one of the schools that accepted me, and it was cheaper than a lot of my other options on this side of the country. Lastly, it’s a basketball school and if you know me, you would know I breathe, eat, sleep basketball. This school allows me to be that fan that would analyze every play, cheer you on and cuss you out. 
 
 
“Hi, I’m Kamilah and my major is Political Science and I’m from this small island in the Caribbean called Sint Maarten.” 
 
I could tattoo that sentence on my own body perfectly. I’ve said it over 200 times since I’ve been here. Every class introduction, group introduction, just speaking to random people in general. It has come to a point where it’s annoying, but I have no choice, since I signed up for it. 

The responses, yes, are the generic ones. My first American Politics class, the  instructor went on to tell a story on how he and his wife went to Jamaica for vacation and stayed in Montego Bay, and went on a rant on how dangerous the place was and ended it with like “you know what’s that like down there right?” 
 
Well um sir, I’m not from Jamaica. I’m from Sint Maarten. I’ve only been to Jamaica once and that was on a cruise and I stopped at Ochi. So, no, I don’t know what it’s like. 
 
The second type of response I’ve gotten is “Oh I love the Bahamas, it was so much fun.” If I’m being honest, those statements make me sad because I’ve never been to the Bahamas and I don’t know how much fun it is down there. However, when I explain to people I’ve never been, they get confused. At this point, I have to go into a brief lesson on how expensive regional travel is and get a “oh that sucks” in response. 
 
The third type is those who state that they have no idea where it is, and I use Puerto Rico as a place they know and state that it’s about 50 minutes by plane away from Puerto Rico. After saying that I got the response “Oh so it’s in Puerto Rico.” I don’t know if my face told my reaction, but I wanted to scream. Inside I was like “Do I speaky spany?” It was just a very emotional moment. 
 
Lastly, there are the ones who have no idea where the Caribbean is, and it makes me question the school system up here. Like how do you not know where an entire region is and its legit right under you? My brain lowkey explodes but then I have to remind myself, I signed up for this. 
 
 
 
Flag carrier. Soca Warrior.
 
If you read my love letter to soca music, you would know I listen to it every day to keep me level headed. I also walk around campus every day with a Sint Maarten Flag scarf tucked into my pants. This is me, taking a piece of home with me every day, but also reminding myself that no matter where I am, I am a cultural ambassador for my island and my region. That’s why I’ve taken the opportunity in my public speaking class to talk about issues that resonate with the region. My first speech was on Hurricane Irma and how it exposed the flaws of Sint Maarten. Personally, I didn’t care if the white kids in my class had no idea where I was from and what was Hurricane Irma, but I presented my information. It was something that was bothering me at that moment and I had to let it out. I passed, but I felt the reaction of the room was “we don’t care about your foreign crap.” For my  second speech, I decided that I needed to speak about Soca. I had recommendations and everything for them and the same feeling came from the room besides from my instructor. I am going to be honest with you, that feeling had me down a bit. I put in my all for some blank faces, but what did I really expect? That didn’t stop me from representing my nation and my region. I will continue to walk around with my flag, yell random soca lyrics at the most awkward times and suggest songs from my region to the people who are around me. 
 
 
The classroom is still weird for me. Math, I usually sit in the back and mentally ask myself “Did I not leave Laksmi in third form?” (SDHS students would understand). In American Politics, I try to contribute but American Politics is just insane and full of trash people. I also do not know as much I thought I knew about American history and politics. Public Speaking, I’m in the back of the class again, in my corner as the Kansas choral would chatter away and in English, oh English, I participate to get participation points and to challenge myself when it comes to ideas and analyzing things. English though, is where my anxiety thrives. There are three black people in my entire English class and I am the only black girl. Sounds fun right? I wouldn’t mind if it was basic grammar and I was just in the back of the class, learning. However, we are assigned a lot of reading pieces and is expected to discuss the reading pieces in class. Problem, there are a lot of Black writings. I’ve noticed that my class does not speak on political writings at all but being the overachiever I am and wanting to get those full participation points, I speak and let my thoughts out into the classroom. That is when things get awkward. Not only that I’m the only black girl in the class that has a non-American accent, I also tend to speak the truth about racism and prejudice in the country and state things about white women that the white girls in my class tend to not like to hear. Awkward. 
 
I’ve also noticed that are a lot of them feel that they are entitled but that’s another post by itself. 
 
Things are also awkward in English when it comes to me organizing my thoughts. Everyone in the Caribbean know when a person says, “di thing over dere” or “and ting”, 80% of the time you know what the person is talking about. Well over here they watch you like you’re insane. Finding words to complete rambled thoughts can be extremely difficult in an already awkward setting and sometimes I just want scream “You know the ting dawg,” but that would made things even worse. 
 
“Huh?”, hasn’t been a regular response as I try my best to enunciate my words as clear as possible. However, using dialect in conversations will usually result in the best reactions possible. Over the weekend, my roommate and I were walking across the courtyard of our building to go our room, and I was ranting about a very awkward moment I just experience. In my rant I was like “Meen even know.” She paused and watched me with wide eyes as her brains tried to process the word I just used. I quickly went into a quick lesson about “meen, yueen etc.” and she nodded her head, finally understanding the concept. 
 
Language will always be a part of my culture. There is no way I will willingly change my dialect in informal conversations, so they could understand what I’m saying. I will also not yank, unless I’m being foolish. 
 
 
Planning out this post, it was supposed to end on the language note and express how this journey has not been an easy one, but yet I’m still grateful for the experience. However, I can’t go into that section without yelling this.

AYU MAN KNOW IT SNOWED ON SUNDAY 14TH OCTOBER 2018??? I… I WAS CONFUSED, CONFUSHED, AND ALL DIFFERENT TYPE OF WORDS THAT COMES FROM CONFUSION. I KNOW, I SIGNED UP FOR THE COLD WHEN I MIGRATED TO MIDDLE OF THE MIDWEST, PUT I THOUGHT I HAD ONE MORE MONTH OF FALL BEFORE THE UNBARABLE WINTER ARRIVE. 
 
I’ve also adapted to this weather that 57 F is nice for me. It’s happening…. 
 
 
 
Now, that I have concluded my rant, I want to end on this note. No matter how far you go home from home, always remember that home is with you in your heart. You as a person is your daily reminder on where you came from and how far you’ve made it in life. Always be a cultural ambassador and I will Rep 721 fuhevah. (Wichita State isn’t ready for the Monday after Saint Martin’s Day.)